You Must Be Happy

Item Designation: T-09-94

Qliphoth Counter: NONE

Object Class: ZAYIN

Managerial Tips:

• When an employee uses the machine, they will experience an increase in all their stats.


• The stats will increase greater the longer the machine is used.


• Be sure to stop the machine only when it displays “YES”. If it is stopped while on “NO”, all the stats will drop as much as they were due to increase.


• The increased stats will return to normal the next day. However, employees who’ve gained more than 200 points in their stats will vanish the next day.


• (Caution) There once was an incident where an employee who used the machine for 5 times or more in a single day exploded on the spot.

Description: T-09-94 or You Must Be Happy is a big, metal, cylinder shaped machine, with multiple metallic appendages protruding from the top and bottom of the Abnormality. The Abnormality consists of 2 parts, the top and the platform. The top of T-09-94 is semi-circular with metal rods lining the top, and an LCD display which is capable of displaying only the words "YES" and "NO". The bottom part of T-09-94 functions as a platform for the user to stand on. Once an employee steps onto T-09-94 it enters its active state.

When it is activated, T-09-94's metal appendages begin to grab at the user (there have been no reports of major injuries caused by the appendages (Excluing Addendum T-09-94-B)), while the display begins to change between "YES" and "NO". The more time the user spends in T-09-94, the faster the display changes. After an indeterminate amount of time, T-09-94 deactivates. Analysis of the user post-use reveals either a great increase or a great decline in their Virtues. The results seem to parallel the final message the screen displays, i.e. if T-09-94 stops at "NO" the user's Virtues will decrease, if it stops at "YES" they will increase.

Users each recall being asked a series of yes or no questions during the time they spent in T-09-94, even though T-09-94 contains no means to ask questions or input answers. The questions were all similar throughout uses of T-09-94 and ranged from simple, to nonsensical. However, all users recall the final question they were asked being "Do you love The City?". Each user also recalls being told they are able to skip to the final question at any point. Some of the more interesting questions will now be listed:

• "Do you have the time?"


• "Can you read the clock hands?"


• "Do you care about your family?"


• "Would anything change if you died today?"


• "Do you recognize them?"¹


• "Would you be capable of loving The City?"²


• "Has your day been good so far?"


• "Do you know what time is?"


• "Can you open the door?"


• "Do you know why you're still alive?"


• "Would you like to be asked additional questions?"³


• "Do you remember the last time you died?"

Addendum T-09-94-A: On ██/██/████ employee Acacia █████ recorded the longest usage of T-09-94 on record, with the session taking 1 hour and 32 minutes. The final answer outputted was "NO", after which employee Acacia stepped out and was taken in for analysis, which revealed their Virtues had declined to that of a level I employee. Employee Acacia then requested a short rest, after which their Virtues had returned to their previous values.

Addendum T-09-94-B: On ██/██/████ employee ██████ ██████████ entered the Containment Unit of T-09-94 without authorization and used T-09-94 five consecutive times. On the fifth use, the movement of the mechanical appendages began to increase in speed, which caused them to rip employee ██████ apart.

Addendum T-09-94-C: On ██/██/████ employee Maritza █████████ had recorded a similarly prolonged usage, at about 57 minutes. However, the final answer outputted was "YES". Analysis of employee Maritza had revealed her Virtues had increased to previously impossible values. However, the following day employee Maritza failed to arrive on site. When a search team was dispatched to their home they were unable to locate employee Maritza and they found no signs of a struggle in their home. Testing has been halted until further notice.

_{1. None of the users recall being shown any sort of imagery.}

_{2. Tests show that users who answered "NO" to this question all answered "YES" to the final question.}

_{3. This question has been deemed to have no effect on the number of subsequent questions.}